People are surprised when they find out I’m interested in art. I don’t tell them that I’ve become something of an art aficionado amongst my colleagues in the LMDOES (Living Myths Defending Our Existence Society).

My interest in art began when I heard some overenthusiastic travelers talking about some things they’d seen before heading out west. Initially, I got a little offended that they were so preoccupied with manmade art that they hardly said a thing about my mountains. But, I finally got around to looking up some of the stuff they’d mentioned and I had to stop grumbling. There’s something to be said for attempting to make beauty, not just relying on nature for aesthetic pleasure.

My own first work of art was inspired by the hikers discussing some monks in Rome who use bones from their dead predecessors to decorate their tombs. I had a small pile of bones from my pre-vegan days in a corner I hadn’t cleaned out yet, so I arranged them on the back wall of my cave, around the family portraits. It’s not great, but, for my first work of art, I’m pleased.

Then I got into the 20^th century stuff. The combination of the aesthetic, emotive, and intellectual really gets to me, as well as the drive to push boundaries, of course.

I tried my hand at Jackson Pollock. I think he’d appreciate that I went the food route instead of paint, since sauces were easier to get at the nearby grocery store. By using sauces, I employed taste and smell as well as feeling and sight. I’m particularly proud of a nice mix of mayo and guacamole I got to contrast with the mustard.

After I posted a picture of this work on social media, others in the LMDOES got into art. I’m trying to convince Hydra to try out Picasso. I think he could really capture the whole “all perspectives in one painting” thing. A few of his heads have some self-esteem issues, so we’ll see.

My best friend Nessie tried out Duchamp’s readymade and assisted readymade style with rocks and seaweed. It looks great from the photos. She said her favorite Duchamp is “The Fountain.” No idea why. I prefer “Bicycle Wheel.” If it were here instead of in New York City (of all noisy places?!), I would spend hours spinning the wheel. I’m easily entertained. You have to be when you live in the mountains and your neighbors don’t think you exist.

Apparently things didn’t go so well when Kong decided to perform John Cage’s 4’33”. No one realized there was a performance going on and it really hurt his feelings that no one clapped. I told him to try composing something like Cage’s prepared pieces. Yesterday, he posted an announcement for a concert this coming tourist season, debuting a work titled “Splash.” I’ll have to wait for the video recording since I don’t do well in crowds.

In the morning, I am going to gather some feathers and an abandoned nest I saw the other day. I’m planning on channeling Rauschenberg in my next piece with these, some red twine, and a few black and white postcards.

Stop by sometime to see it. Or not. My Pollock imitation is starting to smell.